I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
