And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
