nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
