Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I look better un-naked...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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