and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to cum in my sink.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
