Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
