How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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