I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize