I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
