I could make wine with my vomit
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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