Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
God, I missed his penis.
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