I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
