Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
