nut hugger
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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