Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize