I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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