and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
