Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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