I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
