I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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