tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
