dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
