2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
