Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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