I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
