Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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