im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
