I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
