either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
