so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
