My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
