my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
