Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
