I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think weed is turning my hair brown
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
