Sacagawea was the original milf.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
