How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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