before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
