I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
