I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
one two three fourrrrnication!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
