I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize