I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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