what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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