Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
