wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
