and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
