dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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