people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
