I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
