I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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