Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
