I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Too much gin, very little bucket
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
