I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
