this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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