My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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