She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
