Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
