Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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