Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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