She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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