whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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