she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
