I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
