5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
