Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
