My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
