They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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