She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
