It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
