I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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